Better left behind
When I wrote about the important things that my mother taught me, I was trying to highlight the positive aspects of the Haitian culture. Pretty easy, even though there are lots of cultural habits that bother me. However, when it came down to it I had a hard time coming up with 5 on the other side so, I settled for the following 4:
1) It’s okay to unload your burden. In the Haitian culture, you don’t talk about certain problems; especially those that can potentially reflect poorly on the family. Someone gets arrested, you act like it didn’t happen. Someone gets kicked out of school, you find some story to explain what happened. I understand that thisncones from living in tight-knit communities, but even then it’s not a healthy way to deal with problems. When you’re stressed you need the support of others who genuinely care for you. If you can’t share with anyone you know, then seek professional help (another huge taboo).
2) Question authority. Okay, historically speaking Haitians have a valid reason for taking issue with authority. But somehow, once they immigrate to foreign countries, they become hesistant to do so. Whatever the “law” says goes. Hence, they rarely get involved in community activism and are often afraid to speak out when they see something wrong happening. Immigrants are so easily abused because of their legal status and that fear doesn’t necessarily go away once your status does. I think there are ways that we as a community can start teaching our children, and others around us that it’s not only OK to denounce crimes, it’s our duty.
3) Be curious/creative. A lot of kids from my generation grew up thinking the only way to make your parents proud was to become a doctor, lawyer or an engineer. Creative professions were never considered. I think many people find out what it is that makes them happy by being curious – or wondering what it would be like to [fill in the blank]. I’m encouraging my kids to think about every profession, thoroughly, which is something many young Americans have been forced to do during the Great Recession.
4) Hold other to the same standards you hold yourself. When I took my trip to Boston last week, there were certain people *ahem* family members, who thought that it was irresponsible to leave my children behind. Reason being: I’m the mother and fathers can never be trusted to take care of children. WTF?! Well, I don’t buy this and even though I missed them like crazy, I think the time apart was good for us. How else will the appreciate all the crap I do 
This one is more of a gender equality change, but I think it boils down to this, if I expect someone to be able to cook, clean, raise kids, etc., I should be able to do it, too. As with any skill, one of us may be better at it, but that doesn’t give you a permanent get out of jail free card.
Are any of these traits existent in your culture/family? Do you think they should change?
Tags: Expat Families, Haitian Culture, Haitian-American in Venezuela, Immigrant Families, Parenting
Oh, mercy. Are you talking about Haitians…or Jamaicans? I guess the only difference is that there is a small (though significant) proportion of J’can immigrants who manage to get themselves in high profile trouble, despite their love for “low profile” living.
J’ca is also a matriarchical society, but somehow the men get off the hook. Canadian men are doing a bit better, but not much. The lil lady is still expected to mind the home, by and large. Dutch men rule in this respect. Dutch & Canadians are more willing to report crime/abuses, but the reason many J’cans don’t is that they grew up in a culture where the police are useless, corrupt, and generally untrustworthy. Not sure if it’s the same situation in Haiti.
Yes, very similar reasons for Haitians. I think the gender equality issue is everywhere. I remember watching an episode of Oprah years ago where a woman who had gone from being a stay-at-home mom to working outside of the home, while her husband became a retiree. She said that for some reason, if she stopped by with a co-worker and the house wasn’t clean, she felt it reflected poorly on her, as opposed to her husband who was home all day. We as women need to get past the type of societal conditioning. It’s nonsense.