If you can’t forgive and forget, pick one. – Robert Brault

I definitely don’t think, so. I could not imagine holding on to a grudge forever. It would eat away at me until I shriveled into a miserable person. But, I can hold on to a grudge for a little while.

Like when I’ve had some trivial argument with my husband and I just KNOW that I’m right and he’s wrong, but neither of us will back down. Then we go through the whole day speaking very cordially to each other, and I feel as though I have to force my words out of my mouth because that’s how wronged I feel. I feel so righteous that I think I will never be able to forgive him until he does some serious apologizing and admit that I know everything and without me he’d be completely lost.

I actually fall asleep thinking about how even when he does say “sorry”, I’m not going to forgive him immediately. I’m going to recite this speech that I’ve been practicing in my head for the past few hours and until I am convinced he understands why he is just so WRONG. The next thing I know, it’s morning and he’s telling me about some crisis going on  some part of the world (he’s a news junkie) and I can’t recall why what we argued about the day before made me so mad.

Now, we weren’t always this way. Staying mad was a sport for me early on in our marriage, but that got old when I saw that neither of us won in the end. I know that there are people who never let things go (fortunately, none of them are my friends) and  I can’t imagine how they carry such a heavy weight around for so long. When someone I care about has upset me, I feel completely consumed by the issue. I know that once we’re able to talk about the problem and get past it – either by one of us apologizing or agreeing to disagree – I will breathe easy. So, why wouldn’t I be eager to forgive or forget?

I’m assuming for those who are able to carry grudges, they aren’t affected like me. However, there has be a part of you that’s being eaten away or dominated by the problem. I also get a sense that people like this feel that by forgiving and/or forgetting, they are sacrificing themselves. On the other hand, aren’t you sacrificing your inner peace by consciously staying mad?

Are you able to forgive or forget without letting your pride get in the way?

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