I am very fortunate to have my grandmother alive and kicking at 83. The idea of her living somewhere other than with one of her children or grandchildren NEVER crossed my mind. While growing up, she went back and forth to Haiti and while in the states would rotate amongst family members. We always wanted to know when and how long she would spend with us because the ones she visited the longest would show who her favorites were (she never confirmed this by the way). My grandmother is probably not like most 83 year-olds in that she can still cook and clean  all on her own. The only reason she insists on having someone in the house with her is so she doesn’t get lonely.

But, even if she weren’t able to take care of herself, I don’t think we would consider letting someone else take the charge. With everyone’s busy lives, we would find some way to make it work (it’s a good thing she had 7 kids ). That’s just what is done in the Haitian culture, but I’ve seen that change amongst 2nd generation immigrants. I sense that they don’t feel the stigma of choosing alternative forms of care that their parents did. So, I can understand my friend’s worry about what will happen to her should she live to 80.

The difficult part about this cultural expectation is that it’s best taught through example. Having my grandmother with us from time to time made me comfortable with the idea that I would be doing the same for my mother one day. We are lucky that both my mom and mother-in-law visit us quite frequently. Hopefully, that will start teaching my kids the lesson I learned and I will never have to be away from family in my old age.

How does your culture deal with aging parents?

Meatballs, or boulèt, is one of my favorite dishes. Haitian food is complicated to make, so I’m going to give you the basic directions to make the meatballs and will also include what I feel are some optional steps.

Here’s what you’re going to need to get started:

Ground beef – this about 1 lb.

Bread (stale if you have it) soaked in water

Spice medley – parsley, garlic, red and green bell peppers, green onions.

You’re also going to need this contraption:

This is handmade mortar and pestle and a MUST in any self-respecting Haitian household.

First thing is to crush all the fresh spices in the mortar and pestle. Add some fine salt to your liking.

Squeeze the excess water out of the bread and set aside.

Optional: 1) Add the juice of a squeezed lemon into the spice mix for acidity. 2) After squeezing the excess water out of the bread and do the same. 3)You can rinse the ground beef in a sieve to remove some of the blood.

Add the spices and the bread to the ground beef.

I also like to to add a chopped medium-sized onion.

Mix the spices, bread and onions and this what you get.

You take the ground beef mixture with some all-purpose flour and start making the meatballs by rolling large spoonfuls between the palms of your hands (or however you like to make your meatballs round). Once the desired shape, roll them in the flour. In the meantime, heat up your oil – I like to use corn or vegetable.

When the oil is hot (it bubbles when I put the end of a wooden spoon in it), start frying the meatballs.

When they’ve browned on one side, flip them over.

As with any fried food, I like to set them on a paper towel to drain any excess oil. In the interim, rinse and repeat for the remaining uncooked meatballs.

And this, is the boulèt in all its glory.

In our house, it’s usually eaten with white rice and red or black bean purée, but it’s not a hard and fast rule. Sometimes I accidentally get full eating them while cooking, so it can definitely stand alone.

Any questions?

You can’t go home again – Thomas Wolfe

I wrote a while ago about what home meant to me. It definitely is not simply a physical structure where you sleep – it’s more like a place where everything feels right.

In recent months, I’ve been involved in several discussions about the role of the diaspora in Haiti’s reconstruction. Sometime while I was a teenager, I started feeling that Haiti was my home. I moved back there less than a week after graduating college and declared the whole country would have to catch on fire to make me leave. Much sooner than I would’ve expected, I realized that while I was more than content living there, I wanted my kids to have more (a little bit of history repeating itself).

Since then, we’ve lived in three different places and I’ve still kept that feeling that all my paths will lead me back to Haiti. The problem is, I’m not sure if I will be greeted with a welcome mat or a “come back soon” sign. I know I’m not the only one in this predicament. I’ve likened the situation of many Haitian-American diaspora to a cultural purgatory where you are always considered foreign in other countries, but Haitians in Haiti feel you’ve changed too much to still be one of them.

I used to read this sentence and thought it meant that once you leave home, you change so much that you are never able to go back and feel at home there. Time (and my experience with Haiti) has taught me that you are changed by leaving, but that can also mean that you have discovered a deeper appreciation for what you left behind. It can also mean that you can’t think of anywhere better to continue learning and improving that where everything feels right in the first place.

My situation makes me wonder where home will be for my kids. In my wildest dreams, they would feel at home in both Haiti and US. They wouldn’t be forced to identify with one or the other and ethnic labels are deemed unnecessary. What’s also great about this dream is that my home will also be their home which would mean out cultural heritage could never be lost or assimilated out of future generations’ lives.

I hope to get out of this purgatory one day. When I do, I know that it will mean that my road back home has been unblocked and there’s a huge “Welcome home” sign waiting for me at the end of it.

1. You want to be a Friday night regular at your local taverna in Greece

2. You enjoy figuring new things out for yourself

3. You’re addicted to world history

4. You want to speak Portuguese like a native

5. You still have things to learn

6. You want life to be an adventure

7. You want to really understand other types of government

8. You’ve always wanted to run away to a Banana Republic, and write a novel about it

9. You’ve never felt that you truly belonged in the country in which you were born

10. You love to travel, but you want to experience another country as a local

11. You want to prove your belief that people everywhere are more alike than they are different

12. You want to learn how to make the perfect cup of tea in the UK

13. You want to become an expert on the Moscow subway system, especially the ornate architecture of its stations

14. You want to write a book on Barbaresco wine

15. You’ve longed to live the French way of life

16. You love cricket, and you’re an American

17. You want to live in beach hut, and own nothing but swimsuits and sarongs

18. You want to slow down

19. You want to speed up

20. You need a change

21. You want to study Buddhism in Kathmandu

22. You believe absence makes the heart grow fonder

23. You want to volunteer in a country that needs your expertise

24. You want to become an expert on authentic Thai cuisine

25. You want to take advantage of exchange rates to make your money stretch further

26. You want to study the Amazon rain forest

27. You want to be a gaucho on the Pampas

28. You want to be a chocolatier in Belgium

29. You believe working remotely must have more advantages than just working in your pajamas in your bedroom

30. You want to raise global children

31. You intend to write the seminal work on German beer

32. You believe we really are one world and one people

33. You want to prove to yourself that you can

34. Because job opportunities don’t match your skills in your country of birth

35. You’re certain you’ll be the next champion Samba dancer in Brazil

36. You’ve always known that you were meant to live in Barcelona

37. You’ve fallen in love with another country

38. You’ve fallen in love with someone who lives in another country

39. Because time stands still for you in Acqui Terme, Italy

40. You want to hike the Scottish Highlands, over and over again

41. You want to watch the South African wine industry evolve from a front row seat

42. You want to understand why Denmark has the happiest citizens in the world

43. You don’t believe your country of birth does everything best, and you’d like to learn what other countries do better

44. You’ve longed to know the tides off Australia’s coasts as only someone who surfs them everyday can

45. You want to be a shopping guide at the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul

46. You want to write a book of poetry in a cottage on the Irish Coast

47. You want to learn to paint with the glorious light in St Ives

48. You want to be a fisherman in a tiny Mexican village on the sea

49. You want the simple life

50. You’d like to watch the sunset every night in Barbados

51. You really love a challenge

52. One word…Provence.

53. You want a fresh perspective

54. You’d like to go to the Saturday morning market every weekend in Saumur, France

55. Because you can

56. Because change is good

57. You’ve run out of reasons not to

58. Because sometimes the grass is greener

59. Because you need to learn how to take life a bit less seriously

60. You’ve grown tired of knowing your life “like the back of your hand”

61. You want to appreciate what you have

62. You want to learn about all that you don’t have

63. You want to see the world through someone else’s eyes

64. You want to cross off number 5 on your “Top 10 Things I Want to Do in My Life” list

65. You want more sunshine

66. You want more snow

67. Because life is more fun when you take a risk or two

68. You want to live in the unspoiled natural beauty of Finland

69. You can’t imagine not living in the warmth of Costa Rica

70. You want to become a karaoke star in Tokyo

71. For the lower cost of living

72. For the higher quality of life

73. You want to study abroad

74. You want to bring what you’ve learned back home

75. You want to be able to say that you did

76. You want to make new friends

77. You want to find the love of your life

78. Because you’re a free spirit

79. You want to jump start your creativity

80. You want your retirement to be more than rocking chairs and “Wheel of Fortune”

81. You want greater economic opportunities

82. You want to be a dancer with the Bolshoi Ballet

83. Because your current plan is to runaway from home when the last kid goes away to college

84. You want to escape urban congestion and traffic

85. You want to make corporate life a distant memory

86. Because there’s a whole, big world out there to explore

87. You want to open up the world to your grandchildren

88. Because you know that you can change your mind and return to your own country if you’re homesick

89. Because you’re more likely to regret the things you don’t do

90. Because it will force you out of your comfort zone

91. Because you can afford to buy your first home in many other countries

92. Because people are friendlier, and take the time to know their neighbours in many other countries

93. Because you want to live in a country that cares about global issues, like New Zealand’s anti-nuclear stance

94. Because there are obvious places to live to pursue your hobbies (Belize for scuba diving, for example)

95. You enjoy the feeling of being so immersed in another culture that you’re almost disoriented

96. You’re looking for a way to get the children and grandchildren to visit more often

97. You can’t imagine a conventional life

98. You want to face your fears

99. You want to create lifelong memories and experiences

100. For reasons only you understand

I will be the first to admit that budgeting was never talked about in my household growing up. I remember as an adult when I asked my mother how she handled money and her answer was “I just made ends meet”. She never saw the utility of budgeting because there were so many non-negotiable items (rent, food, tuition, etc.). In her opinion, budgeting was for people who had extra money to put away.

In one of my first finance courses in college, I learned the opposite. I then became a fan of Suze Orman and really got the idea of managing my money as opposed to letting the chips fall where they may. In my efforts to stay financially independent, I find that my peers, especially those in the Haitian community, view me as a miser. What I try to convey is that I’m not piling up my money in hopes of becoming rich, I saving money to avoid becoming poor (or in financial trouble).

Basically, I’m convinced that one of the reasons immigrant populations struggle out of poverty is because they are never taught the importance of managing money. There appears to be a misconception that financial management is something rich people do and that’s just wrong. I am already trying to break the cycle with my children who are growing up in the generation of “I want now”. In order to avoid letting money become too important in your life, you have to use it like alcohol: responsibly.

What do you think about immigrants and money? Was/is financial management discussed in your household?