This is a conversation that I had with my 7 year-old the other day.

Me: You have to eat your breakfast quickly this morning because we’re going out.

Daughter: Where are we going?

Me: We’re taking your brother to the doctor.

Daughter: Why?

Me: Because his eye is swollen.

After about two minutes…

Daughter: I remember one time in Florida my eye was swollen and you didn’t take me to the doctor.

Me: I don’t remember that.

Daughter: Yes, and remember you gave me ice to put on it.

Me: *Remembering* Oh yeah, now I remember.

Daughter: Well, I didn’t get to go to the doctor, how come he gets to go?

At this point, I’m feeling torn between how a Haitian mom would handle this and how an American mom would handle this. I know that my mother would have stopped me somewhere after she asked me why we were taking him to the doctor and when I brought up my swollen eye incident. She would’ve given me this look of “You’re being disrespectful.” And if I had the misfortune of not picking up on the first cue, she would’ve scolded me in a way that felt worse than being sent to my room.

I assume the American mom would tell her that she was just as special/important as her brother and the next time she had a swollen eye, we would definitely take her to the doctor. I, quite frankly, am irritated by my daughter’s reasoning. At almost seven years-old, I think she should be comfortable in her position as older sister and no longer feel threatened by the new kid in the house. I have to remind myself that she is a VERY sensitive child and her reasoning is often dictated by her emotions.

Me: You had a swollen eye for one night that went away with ice. He has had swelling for two days now. We are not discussing this anymore, now hurry up and finish your breakfast so you don’t make us late.

I’d like to think I have compromised between the two cultures

Negro, ven aca!

That phrase is completely acceptable here in Caracas. But, can you imagine someone in the US saying, “Negro, come here!”

Since early on in my travels abroad, I understood that the word “negro” had very different connotations depending on the country. Each country has its own history and for the most part, the use of it still very common. While I was studying abroad in France, a friend of mine who is African-American was called “negresse” by a driver urging her to get out of his way. She was very upset after the incident and while I somehow felt that it wasn’t the same as if that same person would’ve said it English, I understood her distress. Since I started learning about black history every February in elementary school, I understood the use of the “N” word in the context of slavery and oppression.

Almost every day when I’m out, I’ll hear men call me morena or negrita mostly in the form of cat calls. The other day while my husband and I were playing a game of one-on-one basketball, one of the kids watching would call out “Eso, la negra!” whenever I scored. None of this really bothers me – until I started thinking about people saying it to my kids. I’m old enough to know the differences in using this word. I think I could even tell if someone were using it offensively in Spanish. Luckily, I have yet to feel any sort of racism here in Caracas, but what worries me is that their international upbringing won’t teach them the appropriate and inappropriate use of the word.

Since my kids are not in an American school, they’re not learning the same black history that I did. So most likely, hearing the word will never make them cringe as it does me. Regardless of culture/language though, I think it’s safe to say that black people have had a rough go of it throughout history. Therefore, I either have to drill into them the negative connotation the word possesses in English, or let them grow up feeling that it’s acceptable to use anytime. Both options are not that appealing to me, but I’m inclined to go with the first.

What do you think?