I watched Spanglish for the fifteenth time this weekend, and the end of the movie sparked a thought that I’ve been having for a while about my expectations for my children. For those of you who have not seen, the daughter, who is narrating her college admission essay, says that while acceptance to the university would mean a great deal to her it would not change who she was; her mother’s daughter. 

We often hear that we are supposed to want our children to “do better” than we did. For my mother, who had to drop out of school at 17 to support her family, I can completely understand where that desire comes from for us. However, I feel that I have been successful in both what my mother wanted for us, as well as in terms of goals that I set for myself.

So, is it fair to expect my children to do better than me? What would that entail? Getting farther in their education, making more money, etc? Can I just hope that they be happier than me?

I admit that I have worked hard for everything that I have and continue to do so. But, I also think that is why I appreciate my life so much. Without my struggles, how would I know that life could be a lot worse?

Am I making sense? What are your thoughts about the expectations of success for [your] children?

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I was reading a post on Anti-Racist Parent written by an adoptive parent who needed advice about choosing the right school for her Ethiopian-born daughter. Her dilemma was whether or not to put her 4 year-old in a school where more people looked like her or to seek out a more diverse environment.

I have to admit that a school’s diversity has always been in afterthought in where I choose to put my children. I first want to make sure that they are in an environment where they can thrive socially, emotionally and cognitively because I think at that age culture is very abstract and therefore not a priority. After reading how much thought this parent was putting into this, as well as some of the answers, I started to think maybe I was overlooking something.

In the book Inheriting the City, the author mentions that immigrants have the tendency to want cultural awareness for their children, but will place them in culturally non-diverse school because they are often seen as “the best”. While this can sound elitist, I can’t blame parents for trying to offer their children the best chances to succeed academically.

For me, by virtue of looking for the qualities above, I found that schools became less and less diverse – this may only happen in urban areas. Now, was I supposed to forego quality programs and look for others that had more of a mix? That sounds wrong to me, but let me know your thoughts.

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